beautygabbers

A lifestyle reboot, and thusly a blog reboot. Recently I’ve changed jobs, not due to any maliciousness or ire but because I needed a change; I needed something that my old job wasn’t offering no matter how hard I tried. I worked at this old job for over thirteen years and it was my first job right out of high school so I went through a lot of emotions with it. I lost family members while I worked there, and I gained many friends that I still have today. I developed personally and professionally while I was there and gained social skills that would help me in life.

After getting to my last job in August of 2018, I never really thought about the downside of leaving this old life of mine. As odd as it sounds, I only thought about the new offerings that were mine and the new chances that I would have. I thought about the many times my old job made me angry or upset, and then used that anger to justify not feeling ‘bad’ or ‘sad’ for leaving it. Sure, I would miss the people and some of the perks from this old job, but I talked myself into believing I would still see everyone there from time to time and that I would still be able to get together with them.

I never thought after being in my current position for almost 6 months I would start to have dreams of being back in my old position. I would dream that I was called in to work a few shifts here and there and would scramble to get my uniform ready and be there on time. I would dream of going back there to work as a newbie and trying to act as if nothing changed when in the back of my mind I knew everything had changed.

These dreams continue even now, well into April, and make me wonder if I made the right choice. Now don’t get me wrong, I really do enjoy my new job, and it’s in a field I have a passion for and I do have more freedom in what to wear and how to style myself and my hours are much more reliable and mornings only. These dreams led me into some research however, and then I realized something; I never really said goodbye to my old job and until writing all of this out, I had forgotten how much I grew while I was there. I had only thought about the more recent grievances I had and let those issues somewhat justify my leaving. I had forgotten that during my time there I lost both of my grandparents and three different co-workers who meant something to me. I had completely changed my life and didn’t think about how it would affect me.

Now what does this mean for me now? Well, my position at my new job is staying where it is and I am still happy here. I have the ability to dress how I want and to do my makeup in a way that makes me happy. I can have a personal identity and don’t have to be a face in the crowd.
I am thankful for whom my previous job enabled me to become and I will always have a place for it in my heart, as lame as I know that sounds, but it’s true. I’m ready now to take that knowledge into my future and I’m ready to see how this new position shapes me and who I will become.